I think I've been living in denial.  It took me a month to take the Haitian money out of my wallet.  I just put my passport on my desk instead of carrying it in my purse.  I am still living out of my suitcase and haven't started to use any of my old stuff.  I am obsessed with looking up the prices for airplane tickets back to PAP even though I have no plans for a trip there anytime soon.  I haven't erased the pictures from Haiti off my digital camera even though I have copied them to my parent's computer.  For the past two years, I have flown to Haiti over Labor Day weekend (which happens to be the same time as my birthday).  This year, I'm not.

If I could do one thing in the world right now, it would be to return to Haiti.  I have a hard time making decisions these days trying to figure out what I want.  I have been looking for jobs in either Montana or North Dakota.  Nothing looks interesting or worth my while.  Then, a few weeks ago, I found a teaching job in Haiti working with Kindergarten, 1st, and 2nd graders teaching an American curriculum in English.  I contacted the school, and they offered the position to me.  I was so excited about the possibility of returning!  But, after looking over my finances, I came to the conclusion that I can't afford to go.  I had to call the school back and tell them I couldn't take the job.  I hated making that phone call.  I knew they were excited about having me, and I was excited to work for them.  The school would have been a great fit for me.  I completely agreed with their philosophy.  Honestly, I have a hard time talking about it because I start crying.  Almost every night I dream about it - the school kids, the countryside, my friends, my boyfriend, the music, everything.  I wake up thinking I'm in Haiti and have to remind myself that I'm back in the states.  The connection I feel to Haiti is unexplainable.

So, now I sit here trying to find acceptance in starting my life again in the states.  I need to decide where to live, find a job, unpack some of my belongings, and stop living out of a suitcase.  It's not that I'm unhappy about living at home, it's just that I would prefer to be somewhere else - in Haiti, where my heart is.

From my point of view I think you already know the answer to your question. You should follow your heart and your mind. You have a great deal of love for the country, the kids, and your boyfriend why not follow your heart? First, I would talk to my parents and tell them how I'm feeling and see how they cen help you out with your decision. I'm Sure they would support u in what ever u decide.

Well she is right you should follow your heart.;)

;););)

Meegs, I get a bit fired up when people say, "I want to quit smoking." Then DO! If you don't quit, it's because you don't WANT to quit smoking, you'd just "like" to quit. Where there's a will, there's a way. You know this. Would the short term sacrifice (ie-two jobs, no social life, etc) would be worth the long term gain? Everyone who knows you knows the answer to that question.

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